Thursday, December 11, 2014

Conversations you can NEVER unhear.

Last week was our anniversary, so we went out with a dozen or so friends to a local eatery and had quite a fun time.

I spend most of my time in groups listening to other conversations and am usually thoroughly entertained in this manner for hours.  Other times, I feel a bit on the mentally violated side.

This night offered several opportunities for the latter option and because I'm who I am, I volunteered for more.  How could I possibly pass up this much fodder for an otherwise neglected and forlorn blog??

Here is just a tiny sample of topics discussed at the meal.

"Butt Calling a Booty Call"
This is a prime example of why someone should clear their contacts out of their phone and start over once they get married.  Especially if said someone is prone to drinking more than he should while out with buddies.
It cuts down on the early morning rude awakenings by angry boyfriends when you're far too hungover to remember a one-night stand from years ago you didn't realize you'd dialed up and treated to the muffled sounds of drunken karaoke at 3am.

This is also a prime example of a conversation one does NOT want one's spouse made aware of.  Especially when it's the spouse who answers the door after that rude awakening.

"You're Pretty."
Granted, this particular conversation was short in and of itself.  The reactions, on the other hand, were loud and highly entertaining.

Guy #1: "Why do you wear your makeup like that?"
Girl #1: "You're just not used to seeing this much beauty in one place."
Guy #1: "People only say you're pretty cuz they wanna get into your bed."
Girl #1: *pause to consider response*
Guys #2,3,4,5....: *almost in unison* "You're pretty."

"I Can Be Manly.  In a Girly Way."
This is cringeworthy enough when it's a woman speaking.  When it's a pack of men discussing how to make this apply...

No amount of "we were just giving her advice about how this is done!" could salvage the image damage done here.  Especially not once it was discovered just how naturally the lisping came to these guys...

...and they started lisping at the servers.

We may never be allowed back into that eatery again.  Ever.