Bingo Blitz: "Better than reality TV"

That's what a player said tonight while I was killing time and cool points on another bingo collection.

And she's completely right! Bingo Blitz, I've admitted to myself, has become my guilty pleasure. Not because I'm wasting hours of my life playing a virtual game that will leave me absolutely NOTHING to show for my time a decade from now, but because it's become my new Jerry Springer show.

I actually watch the chat to remind myself that there are people out in the world who are more screwed up than I am.

So what set me off on this random tangent tonight? Allow me to set the stage...

I'm in a bingo room for the newest collection to be introduced to BB.  This means there are around 1000 players working on the same collection, which typically breaks down to around 250 people allocated to the same chat room/game table per room. Of course, the DAY that a new collection opens you can pretty well expect there to be 6,000-7,000 people at any one time, but that was last week so it's not as quite as crowded tonight.

Think about how many words can be produced by a mere two or three people and how fast those words breed in a matter of minutes.  Now think about that in terms of 200 or so people. The chat window that is shared by these 200-250 players is about two inches wide and four inches tall and is constantly scrolling to allow for new text to appear. Got this image firmly in place?

Now follow all that text while you're looking for rapidly called numbers on 4 different cards.

Tonight, we were all happily going through these motions, pretending we were actually accomplishing something by getting a bit closer to completing a pixelated collection of goodies we'll forget about an hour after we get them all and switch to the next obsess-- collection.  A bingo game ends in a rush of last second calls and frantic daubs.  We all click the pretty gold buttons to see what the treasure chests have inside them.  We all click the pretty gold buttons to see our game reward summaries.  We all click the game cards we want to pay for in the next feeble attempt to get something worthwhile.  We all let our eyes wander over to the chat window for the ten seconds we have left before the next round begins.

We all see:

"Well thank you so much, everyone, for the non-response to my entering the room.  Guess I'll go find another room where everyone isn't so mean." (Because I'm a wannabe Grammar Nazi, I corrected a few typos. The original wasn't nearly that intelligent sounding.)

And then the line of text, along with a hundred or so other lines of text, immediately scrolls down out of the 2 inch x 4 inch window and essentially out of existence.

We assume the person who typed this also clicked the "Return to Lobby" button in what she imagined was an amazingly dramatic, huffy, and Academy Award worthy stormout... complete with the angry heel clicking and deafening door slamming.  All the while, still being parked unceremoniously on her backside like the rest of us.

Seriously? You're so important to the Bingo Blitz world that our devices should trumpet alert sounds to notify us that you've logged in? Whenever you type something, the text from other players should all just disappear so we all see only the words your entitled, delicate little fingers produced? When you have something to say, no matter what it might be, we are all expected to drop what we're doing to respond immediately?

Well, it got a response.  Probably not the desired response.  But it got a response.

My writer's block stormed out right alongside her.

Suddenly I was writing down all the ridiculous things BB players say that just drive everyone else playing at the same time absolutely batty.  And I was getting suggestions from other players to add to the list.


~~"This room has been open an hour and I haven't gotten the whole collection yet.  It's rigged!"

Yup. You're totally right. The whole thing is rigged. It's just not right that BB might actually want you to have something to work toward while they brainstorm and put together another collection for you to get angry about.


~~"I completed that last collection an hour ago. Why haven't they released a new room yet???"

Yup. You're totally right. It's just not right that there isn't a BB moderator watching your every keystroke and waiting with bated breath to notify the programming staff that YOU are now bored and must be entertained. Everyone else still trying to complete collections obviously just aren't as dedicated and committed as you are and therefore don't deserve to finish.


~~"So this room opened three and a half minutes ago? Awesome! Anyone got some items they can give me?"

Yup. We were all waiting just for you to enter the room so we could all chip in and complete your collection for you. After all, we wouldn't dream of you using any of YOUR credits or coins. Please! Let us use up all of ours! We weren't gonna use them anyway. Honest.


~~"So this room is set up exactly the same way as all the other rooms that have opened in the last two years? Cool. Which ones are the Hard To Gets and the ones we can't trade?"

You do realize that in the time you spent typing out that question and then waiting impatiently for someone to stop what they're doing to give you the same information you've seen over and over for years you could have clicked on that handy-dandy "Inventory" window and read all the pertinent information for yourself, right? Too much work? Gotcha.  Okay then. Let us stop what we're doing and give you the same information you've seen over and over for years. Can't remember what the answer was? No worries! That same question will get asked again 847 more times in the next couple of hours.


~~"Hey, remember how you Friended me 8 months, 12 days, 11 hours, and 3 minutes ago so we could trade? No? That's alright. I remember! And I was looking through your inventory (since you showed me that nifty "Inventory" button) and saw that you have some stuff I don't have. You won't mind giving them all to me, right? Right? Buddy? We're friends, ya know..."

Sure! We don't mind you rifling through our inventory like it's your own personal donation site. We weren't planning to use those items as trades for future collections or anything. And did we mention that we just LOVE being put on the spot and being forced to play the part of Scrooge if we'd really rather not just give up every item we've got? TOTALLY love it! We live for that stuff!!


~~"I said I needed this shadow and you bingoed anyway. MEANIE! I called dibbs!"

Yup. You're totally right. All 200 of us were completely out of line for playing the cards we paid for. Everyone knows our collections aren't nearly as cosmically important as yours is. We would all like to take this opportunity to offer our most humble apologies and we will now put ourselves in Time Out to think about our bad choices.


~~"You said you had an item I don't have and you won't just give it to me. MEANIE!"

Yup. You're totally right. We should not be permitted to keep extras in the event an appealing trade opportunity turns up for us. Everyone knows our collections aren't nearly as cosmically important as yours is. We would all like to take this opportunity to offer our most humble apologies and we will now put ourselves in Time Out to think about our bad choices.


~~"I told you guys that's not how you should play bingo. You're all idiots and selfish and now you're screwing it up for me! MEANIES!"

Yup. You're totally right. All 200 of us were completely out of line for playing bingo in a manner that would benefit us as opposed to you. Everyone knows our collections aren't nearly as cosmically important as yours is. We would all like to take this opportunity to offer our most humble apologies and we will now put ourselves in Time Out to think about our bad choices.


~~"Every time I log in to play this game, I lose credits and coins and don't ever win anything and I can't get bingos or items or finish collections and it's just not fair! BB hates me!! MEANIES!"

Yup. You're totally right. You are so important that BB has made it their mission statement that YOU and YOU ALONE must be brought down and destroyed. It is imperative that you must never reach your true potential and destiny of winning an online game. You're not paranoid. They really ARE out to get you. As a matter of fact, WE are all on their payroll and it is in our job description to keep YOU from ever succeeding in the bingo world.



Like I said... it's the new Jerry Springer show.

Don't get me wrong. We love all the people who fall into these scenarios. Without them, our online time would be much less entertaining.

And people like me would have to find some other way to put sarcasm to good use.



(If you enjoyed this post, please consider visiting my other BB post Bingo Blitz is Going to Get Someone Killed.)