Tuesday, January 6, 2015

It's a new year, new slate, new ME! *cough*

Yay! New year! Time to start over with a clean slate!

Okay, so it's time to start over with a smudged, stained, and slightly warped slate. But hey! It's my slate and it's unique.

Today is the first day the kids are back in school which is why I'm able to sit down and try to concentrate on busting through my blogger's block. So far it's not going so well.

I find myself glancing around my house and listening to the sounds of no one being home to fight over computers, television remotes, Christmas presents, chocolate, cats, "my side of the room"s, ...oxygen in general... and try to picture what a normal family's home looks like.

You know... clean, organized, dusted, uncluttered, properly decorated and coordinated to each season. Everything my house is not.  Oh I have plenty of delusions of tidiness! It's just that whenever I start to move in that direction something always seems to get in my way.  

Usually me.

For example:

It's the new year!  First order of business is to take the Christmas tree and decor down and neatly pack it away for safe keeping until Thanksgiving.  For the normal person that would mean retrieving boxes, putting said decorations into the boxes, and putting the boxes away. A good pass with the vacuum cleaner and you're all set to begin stocking up on Valentine's Day chocolate.

Yeah. That's not how it works here.

For me, putting Christmas away looks alot like this:

~Look around the house to determine all the rooms Christmas danglies got hung in.
~Distract the cat who just got reminded there are dozens of sparkly danglies hanging around the house.
~Head toward Christmas storage closet to retrieve the designated boxes.
~Discover that all of the required boxes have been stacked behind present wrapping materials.
~Clear children's toys and the cat off the nearest furniture.
~Empty Christmas storage closet of pretty much EVERYTHING in quest to reach designated boxes.
~Look around the house to remind myself which boxes were the original goal of entering Christmas storage closet in the first place.
~Dig through piles of storage boxes until finding the required boxes.
~Move through house removing sparkly Christmas danglies one at a time while fending off overly interested cat.
~Remove other cat from storage box before packing danglie and going back for another.
~Chase original cat down and rescue sparkly danglie that was too close to where the step stool was left.
~Remove other cat from storage box before packing danglie and going back for another.
~Wash, rinse, repeat until all sparkly Christmas danglies are packed safely into their boxes.
~Take boxes back to Christmas storage closet.
~Stare back and forth from empty Christmas storage closet to piles of Christmas decoration boxes while strategizing how to pack everything away so next year's unpacking and redecorating will be efficient.
~Evict cats from piles of Christmas decoration boxes.
~Pack most of the boxes into Christmas storage closet.
~Remember that the Christmas tree, its lights, and ornaments have not been packed away yet.
~Remove several boxes from Christmas storage closet until finding the designated lights and ornaments boxes.
~Evict cats from Christmas storage closet.
~Remove one ornament from Christmas tree and tuck carefully into storage box.
~Chase cat down and steal back ornament.
~Pack ornament into box.
~Gingerly reach into Christmas tree at about shoulder level and detach cat from branches, one paw and a tail at a time.
~Remove one ornament from Christmas tree and tuck carefully into storage box.
~Wash, rinse, repeat until all ornaments have been removed from the tree.
~Pull cat out of ornament box.
~Crawl under Christmas tree to get hold of one end of a string of Christmas tree lights.
~Tweak back and neck trying to crawl backwards without getting hair tangled in low hanging branches or crushing cat limbs under knees that suddenly seem as big as elephant feet.
~Make myself dizzy walking in slow circles around the tree while winding light cords around my arm.
~Gingerly reach into Christmas tree at about shoulder level and detach cat from branches, one paw and a tail at a time.
~Retrieve ornaments that were missed the first time and stolen by other cat.
~Wash, rinse, repeat until all light strings have been removed from the tree, bound up, and stuffed into the bottom of a box somewhere.
~Wait for the room to stop spinning.
~Haul remaining Christmas decoration boxes back to Christmas storage closet and unceremoniously cram the whole shooting match inside while muttering "Stay!" and glaring threateningly at what has become an impressive Jenga sculpture.
~Slam Christmas storage closet doors closed and give serious consideration to getting chains and padlocks to make sure they stay closed.
~Head over to main storage room and discover that the corner where the Christmas tree will be carefully packed away has been buried and blocked off by two months worth of shoving things out of the way in preparation for my annual "Gotta organize this house!" fit.
~Evict cats from storage room while threatening all eighteen of their lives at once as nervous breakdown starts.
~Remove everything from the storage room that blocks the path to where Christmas tree will be packed away.
~Evict cats from storage room while threatening all eighteen of their lives.
~Consider powerful medications and just how bad could all those side effects really be?? I mean, if they were so terrible they wouldn't be allowed to sell the stuff right?  RIGHT???
~Take Christmas tree apart and begin packing it into its protective bag.
~Unpack Christmas tree and chase cat out of protective bag.
~Repack Christmas tree into its protective bag with one hand while pinning both cats down with the other hand.
~Unlock front door and grudgingly allow children into the house.
~Drag protective bag loaded down with what suddenly feels like a four ton Christmas tree upstairs and into storage room corner where it will be carefully packed away for the next year.
~Pointedly ignore children who are now howling at the top of their lungs that they didn't WANT the tree put away.
~Evict cats... and kids... from storage room without uttering a syllable.
~Close storage room door.
~Climb over and around everything that had been pulled out of the storage room to clear a path for the Christmas tree.

You know what?

Clean, organized, dusted, uncluttered, properly decorated and coordinated to each season houses are totally overrated.  And there's always next year to start over, right??

*cry*

2 comments:

  1. Sounds pretty normal to me!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like my place as well LOL

    ReplyDelete