Yes, I'm still breathing. More or less.
I'd like to offer up a series of reasons for my absence that inspire admiration, understanding, sympathy, or even pity. But at the same time, I want said reasons to be believable on some minute level. Of course, I came up with absolutely NOTHING that would fall into any of the first options and still cling to the second option.
So the truth is:
I have a new full time job. I am still adjusting to a full time schedule. I still enjoy sleeping.
None of this is condusive to computer time. So blogging just kinda got left hanging in the linen closet.
I should be napping before my shift starts. I'm already yawning and it's only 7pm. I start work at 9pm and won't get to come home until 6am. For some odd reason, my bosses frown on us pitching forward to snore and drool on the keyboards. As a result, we've all become drug lords in our own rights as we take turns supplying each other with nightly supplies of Jet Alert, migraine meds, and liquid caffeine bombs.
Seriously, if they come out with flavored caffeine pills we'll be leaving holes in the walls and ceilings as we ping off every surface we come into contact with.
Hmmm? What do I do? Oh right! I work in a call center for roadside assistance.
Kinda boring huh? Heard someone say it sounded like a very tedious job.
Well, it can be. There's only so many times you can be excited about sending someone out to jump start a car or change a flat tire. But it needs to be done and there's almost always a grateful customer who's relieved that there are people crazy enough to stare at a computer all night long in case a tire blows, or a car mutinies out on a pitch black highway in the middle of Bigfoot territory.
And then there are the inevitable calls that trickle through all the normalcy filters and make you stop to look around for a "You've been pranked!" camera crew.
Cust: "I need to get a tow for this Jaguar."
Me: "And you are the owner of the vehicle?"
Cust: "I will be as soon as the tow truck pulls it to my house."
Cust: "I have a flat tire in my driveway and I can't get the spare on."
Me: "That's no problem. We can send someone out to change that for you. May I get your home address?"
Cust: "Ummm. I don't know what that is."
Me: "Oh did you just move in?"
Cust: "No. I've lived here my whole life. Why?"
Cust: "I need you to send someone out to unlock my door."
Me: "Sure thing! Where are you located?"
Cust: "Why do you need to know that?? Just send someone out here!"
Cust: "I'm stranded out here and need someone to come help me immediately!"
Me: "Of course! We'll get you some help on the way. Can you tell me approximately where your vehicle is stuck?"
Cust: *gives street location*
Me: "*pause* Isn't that your driveway? Where are you right now?"
Cust: "My livingroom."
Cust: "My car just stopped running."
Me: "Alright, let's see what we can do to help with that. Did it overheat? Is there electrical issues?"
Cust: "No, it just stopped suddenly."
Me: "Did it make any noises before it stopped?"
Cust: "I'm not sure. It was really noisy when my car hit the guardrail."
Cust: "Can you send someone out to my location to pull my truck off of a rock?"
Me: "Ermm... okay. Can you give me any landmarks to help us locate you?"
Cust: "Oh they won't miss me. Just look for the 19 or 20 other cars stuck on rocks too."
Cust: "This stupid BMW is locked with the keys inside right where I can see them. Will you send a locksmith out here to unlock the car door?"
Me: "Of course! Once they get the doors open, you'll need to show proof of ownership and photo ID."
Cust: "You mean I have to be the owner??"
Cust: "My car broke down at this casino in Reno, and I've gotta be at work in 6 hours. I need to have it towed home!"
Me: "May I get your home address so we know where we're towing the car?"
Cust: "Just outside of Flagstaff."
Me: "Wait... Flagstaff, Arizona?"
Cust: "Yeah! And I gotta be there before dawn. That's not an issue, is it?"
Me: *repeatedly slamming skull into keyboard*
Cust: "I need to get someone to come pull my truck out."
Me: "And is the truck stuck in mud? Snow?"
Cust: "It's stuck in a cow."
Me: "Come again?"