Friday, December 21, 2012

Well that was anti-climactic

7:24am - Wake up to the sound of a set of small feet thudding across the floor upstairs.  Ugh.  It's too early. Better go see what he's up to.

7:25am - Get to the bottom of the stairs and find Hunter starting down the stairs.

"Mom! You're awake!"
"Don't make assumptions you can't prove."
"Nevermind.  Where's Heather?"
"She's still sleeping, but I saw brown stuff in her bed!"

Wonderful.  One of the cats must have left a gift. Strange though, they've never done that in a bed before.

7:27am - Investigate the Invasion of the Body Fluids on Heather's bed.  Whoa.  That's alot of vomit.

Awesome.  Better roust Heather and get this cleaned up.

"Heather, honey.  You need to get up so I can clean your sheets."
"I didn't get them dirty."
"You threw up last night. I need to strip your bed to wash this stuff."
"No I didn't.  Oh.  I guess I did.  Yuck.  Over here too, Mom."


7:30am - Set one child in front of the upstairs television with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing.  Set one child in front of the downstairs television with Phineas and Ferb playing. Yank disgusting sheets off the bed and discover the two foot in diameter Circle of Stink on the mattress.  Hooray.  Gotta get the spray.

7:33ish - Head downstairs to get the enzyme cleaner and more absorbant towels. *AHH CHHOOOO!!* Bleah... Wait. Something's dripping.  Alot.

Nose bleed.  You have to be kidding.  My nose bleeds could keep a forensics team and a case of luminol busy for hours.

*mutter* About that promise of the end of the world...

Now would work, thanks.

7:45ish - Finish stemming the blood flow from some extraordinarily generous capillaries and mop up evidence of a small murder.

7:50ish - Trip over pack of moving booby traps.

"Why are you under my feet again?"
"Oh right.  Food."
*race for the food dishes and glare*

8:00ish - Finish scrubbing Circle of Stink, douse it with enzyme cleaner, let sit to dry and air out.  Gather up pile of sheets. Feel something cold and slimy soaking through shirt.  Make note to change clothes. *sniff sniff* Hold breath.

8:09am - Start supersized load of laundry with extra detergent and set for extra rinse cycle.  Insert bed linens and aromatic shirt.  Scrub skin til it threatens to bleed.  Get used to the idea of smelling like something akin to sewage for the day.

8:21am - Walk past cat litter box and gag violently.

Perfect.  Now it's the other end of the anatomy that needs to be looked after.


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