Friday, January 24, 2014

Global warming my frigid blue patookus!

Yeah. I said it.  I even stuttered while I was at it, but I place the blame for that squarely on my chattering teeth.

I've made no secret of the fact that I'm a military brat/wife and have been a dependent since the day I was born.  As such I've lived in a wide variety of climates.

~I've lived in Georgia's muggy weather where it's a good idea to bring a change of clothes to work simply because the walk from your car to the front door of your office requires wringing out the now sticky and nasty garments you're currently wearing.
~I've lived in upstate New York where the autumn trees look suspiciously like a kindergarten classroom was allowed to run amok through nature with a box of crayons.
~I've lived in Guam where the constant ocean breeze makes you forget that the average temperature never drops below 80°F the entire year.
~I've lived in England where it rains for years at a time and a beam of sunshine can send the populace into a panicked frenzy because either a comet is inbound or aliens are attacking.
~I've lived in Minnesota where summer isn't considered over until there's seven feet of snow on the ground and the common rule of thumb is if students can collectively shove the bus through the snowy streets school is in session.
~I've lived in Washington where the temperature stays between 40°F and 70°F pretty much all year round, there is ALWAYS moisture in the air, and mold gets its own page in the population census.
~I've lived in Texas where I had to scrape ice off my windshield one morning to go to work and came home that afternoon wearing shorts and a tank top.

So I've seen my fair share of climates and came to the conclusion that I like warmth and sunshine; which ixnays 90% of the places I've lived so far.  Steve and I settled on Tennessee for a variety of reasons, but for me, it was mostly the weather.  We have four distinct seasons: Rain and tornadoes, August, autumn, and "man, I gotta wear a sweater today".  The most common gripe from women here is that they can't seem to keep their hair from having its own AfroParty! at random moments.  (Usually on Picture Day at school, or an important meeting/presentation, or formal dress party.)

Around here, we get antsy if the temperature threatens to drop below 50°F because we can't remember where we put our heavy coats.  Ask someone what a snow blower is and they'll likely point to a leaf blower saying "ain't that the same thing??"

That's why the folks around here chose here to settle.  Comfortable climate, trees to pretty the place up, rain in plenty when it's crop time, sun in plenty when it's summertime, winter temperatures that make anyone north of Kentucky scoff at us. We like it this way.  We're strange like that.


*glares out the window*

I just got back home from an appointment.  My car thermometer says it's 17°F out there. SEVENTEEN!!
I put water outside for the feral cats and watched it start to freeze before I could let go of the bowl!
I scraped the ice off of ONE window on my car and my fingers threatened to fall off in protest.

There's so much static electricity in the air that the cats zap each other just by getting within a few inches.  Of course, seeing two cats casually walking down the hall ignoring each other, hearing a loud KRAZAKLE,
and those same two cats landing several feet away looking like cheerleading pompoms is actually highly entertaining.

Now I'm no expert at science.  I'm probably not even scientifically literate.  And I really don't care what all the climate experts say or what all their charts and evidence says or that it's all probably completely true.

You're going to have a very hard time convincing me that we're suffering from global warming when I passed a herd of snowmen migrating south because they were giving whole new meaning to the term "blue balls".

1 comment:

  1. There is no such thing as a 'herd' of snowmen. A group of snowpersons is known as a 'blizzard'.

    See, you learned something today.