Why does stitching take so long?

This past Sunday, I took my latest finish to church in hopes that the poor soul I consistantly ambush to frame my projects would be there.  He wasn't, but my finish got noticed by several people and the same question and answer session repeated itself a few times:

Friend: "Wow!  How long did that take to stitch?"
Me: "Just over a year."
Steve: "She's got others she's working on too. One for about 2 years and one for going on 4 years."
Friend: "Holy cow! Why does it take so long?"

Well, for most people, it doesn't take so long.  (Unless you're the unbelievable Sharine and working on something to rival the Sistine Chapel. Check out her Faery Tales project!!) Most people are able to set aside time to devote to stitching with minimal interruptions and maximum attention spent. A few people are able to set aside time to devote to stitching with more interruptions and slightly divided attention spent.  There are even some people who are able to set aside time to devote to stitching even with constant interruptions and miniscule attention to spare for their projects.  Somehow they all manage to complete these beautiful works of art within the same decade they started.

Then there's me.  My attempts at setting aside stitching time somehow seem to morph into what must appear like a clandestine affair in the works that has not only been discovered, but caught in the act, and now involves a spectacular falling out worthy of a Benny Hill skit.

The day starts with me racing around the house at 7:00 in the morning to get children taken care of and housework completed.  Children that should be in school are shooed off to their pertinent school buses.  Child who hasn't been successful at sneaking onto the attendance rolls is distracted with much toy goodness and the occasional Disney movie.  Cats are fed and sometimes bribed with catnip. 

Why yes! Flight of the Bumblebee does tend to play in my head.  In fast forward.  Wait... why would you ask that?

9:00 arrives with dishes, laundry, and straightening completed until the next rut and breeding season scheduled for sometime in the afternoon.  I scamper about as quietly as possible collecting stitching materials and sneaking everything into place. 


No one notices.

I sit on the bed and test the "MOMMY'S SITTING DOWN!!!!" alarm.

No one notices.

I turn on the TV and get my shows set up, even raising the volume to a level that can be heard outside the room.

No one notices.

I exhale in relief and reach for my cross stitch.

The bed vomits cats.

*sigh*

But hey. I'm a determined stitcher and I need to make some progress on this project as it was promised to be a Christmas gift. 

For 2011.

Oh and I suppose all YOUR projects were completed on time?  Mine's only ...

...two...

...years...

...late.

..and not done yet.

*cough*

ANYWAY!!

For me, stitching is a steady process of repeated actions.  They are usually as follows:

~Thread the needle
~Unthread the cat
~Straighten the thread on the needle
~Remove the cat from the thread
~Straighten the thread on the needle again
~Get up and chase down the cat
~Retrieve the thread and needle
~Rethread the needle
~Hold cross stitch project over head while inserting the anchor loop
~Lower project and distract the cat with belly rubs until she falls asleep however she lands

~Pick up project and begin stitching by pulling thread up from the back
~Insert needle into designated spot and pull thread through to the back
~Lower project slightly in response to back and arms threatening to quit and move out
~Pull needle and thread through from the back
~Remove the cat's paw from the thread loop
~Remove the thread from the cat's jaw
~Rethread the needle
~Pull needle and thread through from the back
~Remove the cat's paw from the thread loop
~Distract the cat with more belly rubs until she falls asleep however she lands

~Pull needle and thread through from the back
~Insert needle into designated spot and pull thread through to the back
~Squawk in dismay and sheer terror
~CAREFULLY remove the cat's back claws from the linen without interrupting her stretch
~Set project aside
~Shove the cat unceremoniously out of lap

~Resume stitching in fast forward now that the cat has slipped into her afternoon coma

~Pointedly ignore the sound of a steadily approaching frog croaking in time with the Jaws theme.